This week I stumbled across some photos on my laptop from this Summer, that I didn’t even know my hubby had taken. I was just chatting away to my friend Hannah by the sea and was totally unaware to his snapping away.
Until then I’d been beating myself up quite a lot about ‘letting myself go’. 3 years ago I was at the high of my fitness, had defined tummy muscles, an aerobics instructor and could do a pretty mean HIIT workout without thinking I was dying. Since then I’ve always compared my body to that of 3 years ago and felt like I’d let myself down.
Do you ever look back on photos and think I wish I had that body now? You know that body that you complained about at the time, but would kill for now. At the high of fitness I still felt that my body wasn’t good enough. I thought my body should have been leaner more defined for an instructor. Whilst I grew in body confidence the fitter I got, I never felt good enough and was always striving for more. I was always trying to be ‘good’ food wise and be a role model. When I quit the role although I promised myself I’d keep myself fit, I didn’t. It was like a rebellion. Finally I don’t have the pressure of needing to look a certain way to be a role model for class members. Truthfully the members was so lovely and it was a real community between us, so had I’d been larger, wobblier and not as fit I’m not sure they’d of even cared. The pressure I felt was totally self manufactured.
These days I’d been struggling with insecurity from comparing myself now to how I use to look. The 1st two photos are from 3 years ago and the others are from this Summer that I’ve only just found on my laptop.
I looked at them the other day and realised you know what my body is fine. I’m not anywhere near as fit, my tummy isn’t flat like it was and my butt and hips are two dress sizes bigger than they were, but it’s OK. No hating on my body, just acceptance. We aren’t meant to stay the same. I’ve had another child since then, I’m not an aerobics instructor and I’m now in my 30’s. Things are different these days, fitness isn’t my job now. It’s not anywhere near as high as a priority and I embrace that. Being fit and healthy should be a pleasure and not a pressure.
So I’m introducing from next week Fitmas Friday. Fitmas Friday will be a weekly blog post and some vlogs if you want them on me getting fitter and healthier for Christmas. Not for needing to change my body to look better, but just to embrace feeling better because I’m taking better care of my body. Yeah I can’t deny I’m aiming to lose some inches for my Christmas party coming up, but for once I’m not putting any pressure on myself. If it get’s to the Christmas party week and I don’t feel comfortable in any of my dresses because they are too tight, I’m just going to buy a frigging new dress in my size and stop trying to squeeze myself into clothes from 3 years ago that don’t flatter me.
Love Kirsty xx