It’s so important to believe in yourself and know your worth. It’s an incredibly self-loving thing to do and it’s something nearly all of us need to work on. Impostor syndrome is something even the super successful deal with, where you doubt your abilities and think you’re going to be found out as a fraud. Believing in yourself isn’t just reserved for the super talented, we are all worthy and all have different skills and it’s time to start believing in you and seeing your worth from within. You don’t just magically cultivate self-belief because you’re ‘successful’.
Your self-worth is an inside job AKA you need to see that you are inately worthy. End of. No baby is born not worthy and that doesn’t change as we get older. Your worth can’t be based on external accolades or a to-do list where you achieve x,y, and z. You have to work on knowing your self-worth now. That you are worthy now regardless. Work on believing in yourself now otherwise you’ll be taken down with insecurities, and comparison. You’ll probably never do the things that your heart truly desires. Instead, you’ll tell yourself you’re not good enough. Which FYI is not true. Stop telling yourself that lie and better still stop comparing yourself.
You aren’t here to live someone else’s life. You are here to be you and it’s time to start believing in yourself. Not believing in yourself benefits no one but it hurts you. It blocks you from achieving fulfillment and you are WAY more capable than you know.
Kate Winslett said “Sometimes I wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and I think, I can’t do this. I’m a fraud.”
Maya Angelou said “I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.”
See it doesn’t matter what you achieve, belief in yourself comes from proactively and intentionally cultivating it. It’s the inner work we hear about so much.
Here are a few more. Emma Watson said “It’s almost like the better I do, the more my feeling of inadequacy actually increases because I’m just going, any moment, someone’s going to find out I’m a total fraud, and that I don’t deserve any of what I’ve achieved.”
Tom Hanks said “No matter what we’ve done, there comes a point where you think, ‘How did I get here? When are they going to discover that I am, in fact, a fraud and take everything away from me?” and Jenifer Lopez said “Even though I had sold 70 million albums, there I was feeling like “I’m no good at this.” – I could keep going with these.
So it’s time to put the I’m not talented, not good enough crap to bed. If you feel your skills aren’t up to par don’t let that be an excuse to not go after everything you want because most people feel like that. Leap anyway, you can do it afraid or at the very least, stop letting not knowing enough be an excuse to not go forward. Instead, dive into cultivating those skills. Sign up for the course, try the thing, send the email – no fucker knows how to do it at first, we all have to learn and we don’t learn unless we start. Just do something to take yourself forward.
Know this – one day you do just have to be courageous and take the leap afraid because doubt and impostor syndrome won’t vanish but they don’t have to own you.
Every time you don’t step up you’re depriving the world of your uniqueness i.e. your potential and who you came here to be. Not to mention you’re depriving yourself of the life you desire. You will be able to do things and share things in a way that nobody else will be able to because the way you see, go about things and tell a story is exclusive to you. Nobody else can see, feel and experience the exact way you do, that is your superpower, reserved only for you and nobody else can have that. No one can be the best version of you, but you. Someone(s) is gonna really resonate with that and with you. If you keep what you have locked up because you’ve told yourself you’re not good enough you are literally rejecting yourself and you’re the one hurting you the most.
Here’s the thing. Some things you won’t be good enough for yet AND the only way to change that is through ACTION AKA get experience. The audacity to start before you know it all (and FYI you’ll never know it all so don’t use that as an excuse to not start). You have to be humbled enough to stumble and fail forward. To not really know WTF you are doing.
Start before you’re ready. I cringed at my 1st edition and even my 2nd edition audio series (no longer available lol as they were bad in my opinion. Not really. Nobody actually said they were, in fact, some people loved them and found them incredibly valuable AND that’s the point – your messy unsure of yourself beginning is someone’s treasure). I sometimes cringe at FB lives I’ve done recently (we aren’t always on our A-game, whatever the fuck that means, vulnerability hangovers are a real thing) and yet it still helps people, but for everything I’ve done, I had to start before I was ready. I had to literally Choose To Rise. You master skills by just doing it anyway. Do it afraid. Do it unsure of yourself. Do it unconfident. You only get good, thus fully confident when you are willing to suck, fail and not know how. Nobody knows how to do it until they have done it – you figure it out as you go by taking steps. You just have to be willing to learn. A growth mindset is required. Believing you can figure it out because you can. Break down the steps into teeny manageable pieces and before you know it you’ll be on your way to figuring it out. And here’s the thing. You don’t even need to know all the steps (nobody does) – you just have to be willing to take a step and the next one will appear. Get support too if you’re able to. A mentor can be a game-changer in supporting you through the highs and lows. Someone who believes in you when you are having a wobble so that you can be held and process whatever is rising for you.
You are worthy and valuable regardless of external results. You have innate gifts regardless of what your inner critic or perhaps others have led you to believe. It’s time you started to believe in your gifts. In you.
And if you’re someone who worries about what others will think, remember something so important in loving yourself and doing the inner work is to see your own enoughness. To see your own worth and value even when others don’t. What others think of you is none of your business, but your fulfillment is your business and that’s an inside job. Don’t die with your music and dreams still in you and thus never living true to you because of fear of what others will think of you. To quote Brene Brown “If you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked then I’m not interested in your feedback”.
People who are truly fulfilled aren’t tearing others down or judging their failures because anyone who is truly fulfilled has failed a lot and been humbled a lot.
So do the thing you want too scared because you’ll have a hard time living with overall contentment long term if you ignore your dreams and don’t live authentically to you. If you don’t go after what you want. You have to decide to stop hustling for worthiness. You decide on your worthiness because every human is worthy and has value. Period. Even when (as I said earlier) others don’t see it.
Choose you, choose that you are worthy by having the audacity to actually go for it. To change your life. Belief comes from having the audacity to just do it anyway and being kind to yourself through the highs and lows. Through the successes and failures (and not creating stories around the ‘failures’ like you’re not enough, capable, it won’t work out for you, etc – ALL FYI LIES).
Just because something didn’t work out does not mean you are not capable (that’s a fixed mindset and you need to work on that to be successful. It means LEARN FROM IT because that’s how you get good at anything). In fact, when something doesn’t go to plan and you really wanna believe in yourself and be successful in creating and manifesting the life you desire this may be one of the most important things for you to do. For instance, say you wanna believe you can have great relationships and you don’t have that yet, you have to be willing to believe in this and have a growth mindset around that even when (especially when) the opposite is showing up in your reality. Perhaps your relationship is currently a shit show. That does not mean you are someone who can’t have a great relationship – it means you don’t yet have that so don’t ignore that reality. If you do then you’ll never change it. Instead, be the person who learns everything there is about cultivating great relationships with discernment of course (not everything is aligned for you). Then be the person who actually implements what you learn so it becomes your reality.
If on the journey your current partner doesn’t like it, that does not mean you can’t have the relationship you desire. It means that you either need to give the person time to adjust and embrace the messiness of actually changing the dynamics. Or in some cases, it might mean that this relationship has come to the end of the road (only you can answer and know that) and you have to be brave enough to be honest with yourself about that. To the human us that can feel like we failed and be a deeply painful experience (so you must grieve. A lot of this work, people don’t talk about enough is, the fact it requires grieving work).
In order to create a life that aligns, you gotta let go of what isn’t working and most people aren’t willing to. Most people make things not working out or ‘failing’ mean crap it does not mean. For example in the case where a relationship has come to the end of the road that’s what that means. Not you are a failure who can’t have great relationships or is unworthy or not good enough and thus you’ll never meet anyone (their stories, your thoughts and fears NOT ultimate truths). Big difference.
If you have a fixed mindset, start creating stories that you can’t have a great relationship because of that relationship (and your past ones) that will be your reality. You’ll either stay in the dynamic that does not feel good or you’ll re-create it because you don’t believe you can change it or have the skillset too – rather than have a growth mindset and keep trying until you’ve mastered that area. Until you have the set of skillsets required to change your reality. Until you just are someone who has great relationship because you learnt said skills. It’s just who you are now and you maintain this standard as that’s who you are. The same goes for any area of your life. You want business success you can have it. You want thriving friendships you can have it.
The caveat is – you have to be willing to go and do the work though and stop telling yourself stories based on your past failures and now reality. Your present does not equal your future and what’s possible for you unless you let it.
I say this all the time to people “Thriving is not a coincidence it’s a skillet”. Any area of your life you are not thriving at is not because you can’t. It’s because you don’t have the skillset yet and that can be learned. The key is you have to be willing to suck at first, fail countless times and put your ego to the side and keep going. It’s not easy hence why I recommended getting mentorship if you’re able to, but it’s the path of fulfillment and authenticity.
Be good to you, know you are worthy, believe in yourself WAY more and keep choosing to rise towards the life you desire,
Kirsty xxx
