Today I  feel like I’m a crap Mum and blogger. Last week I didn’t publish a single blog post. I spend a whole week just trying to catch up with people. Trying to be a good friend, wife and most importantly mother. None of which I feel I’m doing well at. People will tell me I’m great at all these and whilst I appreciate their kindness I truly do, it doesn’t really make me feel any better.

I’m not happy unless I have something for me. Is that bad? I don’t think so although it does sound selfish. Wanting something for your self seems unethical. I carry around a lot of guilt. Blogging and making YouTube videos is for me. I try to disguise it as I’m doing it for the family. So that one day I can work around them doing what I love. I can work in a way that fits in with our family life.  Whilst this is true, truthfully I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to do it.

This career is for me. I want it. I love it. I need something for myself. It’s mine. My little mark on the world. When I don’t blog or I’m not happy with my latest video I feel down, frustrated and annoyed that I can’t just do something outside of being a mum. Last week I didn’t post so that I could be a better Mum by working less. I was feeling guilty. I wanted to be more engaged with them. Only I wasn’t. I felt worked up that I couldn’t just get some downtime to do something I love. Maybe the answer is more family vlogging, who knows?

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Pq1f13HiWM&w=560&h=315]

I had great fun playing jigsaw with my son over and over again. I played all the roles of paw patrol and I know just about every Thomas The Tank engines name.  I loved listening to my daughter read and hearing about her day. It was amazing to actually chat to my husband when he got in from work, rather than having my head in my laptop. The problem was I didn’t feel happy. I felt worked up. I was just playing a role of what I thought a good Mum and wife was. For once I wasn’t saying “in a minute” or asking my husband “can I chat with you later, I have a lot to do”. No I was being the Mum I thought I should be. This Mummy felt blue though. By Saturday I’d lost it and shouted at the kids and my hubby “I’ve had it, nobody appreciates me”! This of course isn’t true, but in that moment I felt it. I’d taken time off from blogging and wasn’t anymore on top of jobs. I’d spent a whole week trying to keep everyone happy, but myself. I felt unappreciated, taken for granted and that all I did was chase my tail.

Last week I tried to be a good friend, wife and mother but I felt it had gone unnoticed.  I felt damn right annoyed. I felt like I’d be slapped in the face, nobody seems to even notice I was doing more for them and nothing for me. I don’t really know what I was expecting. My kids are two and eight. My hubby just goes with the flow. What I learnt is I have to do things for myself or the martyr revs up and there’s nothing enlightened about that.  The kids will be happy if I’m happy and so will my husband. Good friends will notice your efforts.  All I have to do is be me. The crappy Mum who gives her kids way too much processed food and television. Who doesn’t like arts and crafts and is far from a model parent. The parent who doesn’t read enough to her kids, but does her best. I’ve learnt being that Mum is ok and sometimes taking short cuts for my sanity is just plain sensible. I’m not an earth Mum and that’s ok. Sometimes my kids drive me potty, but I love them and I do my best. That’s what makes me a good mum. It’s time to stop shaming and comparing myself to how others do it, there is no one way and whilst all these feelings I have about being a crappy mum are valid, there also damaging and not true. Yes, let’s look at ourselves and aim to always do our best, but sometimes we just have to realise that there is no one way to do this and there is certainly no right way to parent. I’m always learning and getting it wrong, but that’s okay too. Our children will not perish from our imperfection, in fact, they need to see how we deal with our imperfections, how we treat ourselves and how we own it when we do fail and make mistakes. How we treat others and to love them as imperfectly as we can with our full hearts.

I blog and create videos because it makes me feel good. I feel like I’ve achieved something for myself. I’m then happier as feel I’m more than ‘just’ a Mum and Wife. When I’m happier I’m a better parent and partner. I’m not resentful. I haven’t learnt how to get the balance right. I know the whole balance thing is a myth, but what I mean is a ‘balance’ that feels right for us. I’m going to work on trying to get this right. What I do know is having that little something for me is priceless. It keeps my sanity. If Mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

38 Responses

  1. You definitely have to do something just for you – we all do, it keeps us sane! I have in my past, been everything for everyone and it did no-one any good. I felt exhausted and upset and no-one likes a martyr either! Good for you that you have your blog and videos. I love that my blog is my place that no-one can touch – no-one gets an opinion on it but me and I can do what I like with it!!

  2. Ah I can so relate to this! I wrote a post before Christmas similar to this and tried to stop blogging as much etc and, like you, it just made me feel frustrated. I think it’s fine to do something just for you and agree that it actually makes you a better parent when you are happier and doing something you love x

  3. Oh my word, it is so hard to juggle everything and feel like you are doing them all well. Yes, I’m with you, you have to do something for yourself too or it all just gets too much. be kind to yourself, Mich x

  4. Hi Kirsty I have felt the same way since having my second. It’s so hard to keep sane some days. I think it’s important to try and do something just for us instead of constantly trying to keep on top of the household. It’s like you said if mums not happy no one is!!! Xxx

  5. You 100% need something for yourself and that is not bad to want it! Time for yourself is so important in being a good parent. You wouldn’t be human if you needed a break once in a while ox

  6. Oh bless you, I think we all have days and weeks where we feel useless and under-appreciated. I’m the opposite, I really haven’t been bothered about blogging or social media, apart from Instagram which I’m having a losing battle with! Hopefully this week will be better.

  7. I really can relate to a lot of this. My blog is for me too – as a SAHM i spend my life doing everything for everyone else so I NEED something for me. I’ve accepted that some weeks I won’t be able to blog because life gets in the way. Strangely, once you accept that, it does get easier and you enjoy it more.

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

  8. Everyone needs their own time/space. Giving yourself an opportunity to work or relax depending on what you need in that particular week will stand to you.

    It will make you a better parent.

  9. I agree with everything that you have written on so many levels. I am slowly learning to be a little more selfish and do things for myself to make me feel happy. I hope you find a happy medium. Watched your video and will sub for more x

  10. I loved reading this, I feel exactly the same. I stated blogging because a few friends and mums at school were fascinated how our huge family functioned on a daily basis.
    Now blogging is like my therapy, I need it, I love it, for me, and if other people enjoy reading it, that makes me feel even better.
    Stick with it and ride this tough patch.
    I find putting the kids to bed, dining a hot bath and catching up on all the lovely blogs puts me in the mood to write before bed…. Much to hubby’s disappointment xxxx

  11. Such an honest post! Completely agree with everything you said, it’s so true – when mum is happy, everyone else is x

  12. I find vlogging takes more time with all the editing and uploading etc. Having a house full of kids doesn’t help either LOL – blogging is my lifeline too

  13. I’m trying to take a break at the moment while I sort out moving house but I find it really hard to step back from work!

  14. So important to do something for yourself, being a mother means giving up so much and having so little that is just for you, keeping hold of a little something can be the difference between being a happy mama and a lunatic I think!

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