It’s OK to be bitter. I don’t want you to be bitter but I want you to know if you are it’s OK and to some degree- super healthy. Sometimes things happen that will leave a sour taste in our mouth and that’s OK. It’s OK to be angry, hurt or even jealous. These emotions are natural, normal and healthy. What’s hurts you is to stay that way. Nobody benefits from that and it doesn’t affect the other person or change things but it will gradually eat away at you. It’s toxic and leads to you suffering long-term, all the while not changing things.
At times in my life, I’ve found myself bitter, completely pissed, feeling totally used and rejected. That mother fucker hurts and sometimes that bitterness has then spiralled into jealousy and insecurity that was never there before. It’s OK to be pissed at the universe and think it’s unfair. If this has happened to you then know that’s quite normal and that’s OK too. Your human, those feelings and emotions happen. They are valid. What’s important to realise though is it doesn’t serve you long-term. Staying bitter and you are punishing yourself. Punishment is not OK.
You have a choice to do something about that. Will it be easy? No. Can you do it? Heck yeah. Will you come out the other end wiser and all the more beautiful for it? Absolutely. You can do this, but it starts with truly wanting to. When you’re so sick and tired of feeling bitter then you start to become free of it. Less owned by it. Frankly, you have to get so bored of it that you make the choice to do something about it.
You don’t need to accept what happened as OK, but you have to come to terms with the fact it has and accept it as part of your past. You can acknowledge that it’s not OK, you never have to accept something that hurt you as OK but there comes a point when it’s time to deal with the pain so you can move on. No bypassing.
It starts with the willingness to no longer want to be a victim and at the mercy of our past pain, sometimes it becomes such an identity for us it’s hard to let go of. It’s become a story we are so addicted to talking about or replaying in our heads that sometimes letting it go can feel like we are saying it doesn’t matter. It does matter, it very much matters but there comes a point where you have to free yourself from the pain and let it go for your own inner peace. That doesn’t mean forget, it simply means saying goodbye to what no longer serves you. It means accepting what’s happened because you can’t change it. Focus on yourself now and those who wanna love you because that’s the one thing you can do. It means being so frigging kind to yourself because the world needs kindness and kindness starts from our heart. Allowing yourself to let go of being angry by first allowing for it, not shaming yourself. Processing emotions and pain in healthy ways (if you struggle with this I have a masterclass on this in my membership). To truly start to heal and rise from all the past pain or whatever you feel bitter about because staying bitter is hardly the right motivation or mindset to move on or change what needs to change.
Change needs to come from wanting better for yourself and not a place of anger otherwise that can quickly turn into resentment. That’s what prompted me to make this video last year because I learnt one very important lesson.
To move through any pain self-compassion is required. To make the choice to start on the self-love journey even though at first you might not know where to begin or even like yourself. To start (no matter how hard you find it) to truly love yourself as you are right now. To love yourself with ‘flaws’ and to make a conscious effort to be a friend to yourself. To give yourself permission to be self-compassionate, self-forgiving and self-loving. To start climbing the self-love ladder and to become unapologetic about it because nobody else is in charge of your happiness but you. You take responsibility for your own happiness. You take the driver’s seat of your own life. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s so worth it.
That’s how you stop being bitter because you realise it’s nobody else’s job to make you happy. You can’t control other people or life but you can control how you treat yourself, so be kind to you.
Love yourself like it’s your full-time job – it is (plus overtime).
It Did Do Harm – An open Letter to Grandparents & Those With Adult Children
(Blog post on generational trauma)
I can really relate to this and it’s as if I needed to read this today!!
I’m glad it helped 🙂
I made a decision years ago to choose bitterness. Since I have made that choice everyone is angry with me and that is not fair. Everyone celebrates those who choose better over bitter. What about those of us who have decided to remain bitter and throw our lives away. We deserve to be understood that it is just the choice we make.
everyone deserves to be understood I agree.