Do you ever just really like you should be doing something or that there is just always something to do? Until recently I just always felt like I ‘should’ be doing something and that there was just always something that needed doing.
Recently I’ve really cut back on my workload. I’ve been doing less with my blog and not because I’m any less passionate about it, but I’ve realised there is something way more important than my career and that’s my pleasure. Pleasure is important.
I don’t mean mind-blowing orgasms (although heck, why not that too? I have a post here on 8 things every woman should know about sex), but in all seriousness, I’m talking pleasure in the little things. The little things matter. A lot.
For me, it’s making time to watch some of my favourite vloggers without feeling bad about it. Not thinking I should be writing a blog post or putting a load of washing on, but just fully enjoying the moment and realising that’s my kinda pleasure. It’s downtime and it’s very much needed.
I thought I needed a high flying blogging status, but I’ve realised I don’t. I don’t need that to be happy, because happiness is accepting where you are now and being OK with that, knowing you are enough.
I realised a lot of my anxiety was caused by feeling the need to do stuff. When in reality, the only thing I need to do, is to stop mentally tallying up things I feel I ‘should’ be doing. I’ve realised that I will always be able to find things that I can convince myself need doing. Truthfully a lot of things don’t need doing.
We have to stop feeling like there is always something to do and just be OK with what we have achieved. To start saying to ourselves, that’s enough for today. To know that putting your feet up is equally as important as working hard.
We live in a society where we compete about who’s working harder and who’s slogging the most. It’s gross, it’s unhealthy and it’s unnecessary.
When I’m deemed as just a Mum or people assume I have loads of spare time on my hands, I automatically get all defensive and feel the need to prove all the ways in which I work hard and don’t have the time.
I do work hard, I do struggle with enough hours in the day, but needing to prove that is ridiculous. Being the most hardworking isn’t a badge of honour, it’s a trap. What’s the point in working hard if you don’t have time for the little things that give you pleasure?
Going to bed happy and feeling fulfilled in life should be life goals, not ticking off the to-do list and getting all the chores done, because if you get all your chores done you’re probably not really living.
Stop feeling guilty for chillaxing, because you absolutely should be making time for that. Self-care matters.
Next time sometimes insinuates I have all the time in the world because I’m ‘just’ a Mum I will just smile back because I no longer feel the need to explain myself. I will make time for pleasure, not because I have any more time than anyone else, but because I’ve chosen to make time for it.
So remember this, you don’t need to prove yourself, you don’t need to always be doing something and you really need to give yourself a break.
Have some self-compassion and make some time for pleasure. You wouldn’t want anyone else working their butts off without ever just being able to enjoy life. The same rule applies to you. Be kind to yourself and make time for pleasure.
This post is part of my Wellness Wednesday weekly feature, for more Wellness Wednesday posts click here. Every Wednesday there is a new wellness post at 7pm. Update: this feature no longer runs but there are still loads of blog posts here.
It Did Do Harm – An open Letter to Grandparents & Those With Adult Children
(Blog post on generational trauma)