I leapt then nosedived. Not literally, but the last week and a half I totally felt like that. Stepping into the wilderness of being truly vulnerable has been something I’ve always tried to do since watching the Brene Brown Ted Talk on YouTube years ago. It really resonated with me because authenticity is everything. If you can’t be you then what’s the point?
This year I read her book Braving The Wilderness and once again a reminder to be unapologetically ourselves and the power of vulnerability, but see vulnerability is hard. Fear of rejection is huge but here’s the thing it won’t kill you, but not being yourself will kill your soul. So lately I’ve upped my game and leapt further and well, what a shit sandwich that felt like. I totally crash-landed and felt crippled with negative emotions. It looked something like this. Speaking a lotta truths. Hard. Talking to my closest circle about feelings of shame that I’ve been burying. Harder. Opening up about insecurities I’ve been afraid to acknowledge let alone admit out loud to another human because they felt pathetic. Terrifying.
The fear of being rejected for my ‘flaws’ and not feeling worthy of being accepted by my peers was very much real. Yet I did it and I survived to tell the tale and so will you. That difficult conversation sometimes needs to happen. That thing that you’re fearful of needs to be brought to light because it’s not fear that harms us, it’s the staying there that does. I thought I was going backwards with this self-love and being unapologetically myself work, but actually, I was making a huge jump forward. A jump so big in fact that it totally threw me into a pit that felt totally shit. Where I felt myself crawling back out because I was so humbled by the experience that there was nothing elegant about it. Queue tears, strops and one very patient hubby.