So #SelfLoveTember is here and I’ve been so pleased with how you’ve all responded to it and got involved. It’s so beautiful to watch. Now we are on day 3 I really want to go much deeper than healthy eating, yoga and pampering. Those things are wonderful, I rave about them, do them and highly recommend them. I salute anyone that makes the time for them. It’s a real act of self-love to make time for yourself to do these things, but you know what’s even more self-loving is facing your demons. Here are 5 demons that if resonate with you I want to you start to face head-on.
5 Inner Demons To Overcome For Self-Love:
1) Not Wanting To Embarrass Yourself
It’s the willingness to jump into the unknown that births dreams. When I launched the Choose To Rise audios I was willing to have people laugh at me, not get it or say who does she think she is. I was so willing to look stupid because I knew none of it mattered. I just had to do it because I’d rather die looking silly than die with my music still in me. What other people think of you is none of your business. Leap anyway. Other people laughing is their lack of not doing. Happy people don’t bother to make fun out of other people, they have way better priorities.
If people want to laugh, let them. You have better things to do than worry about what a bunch of people who don’t matter think of you. Remember that. Remember your priorities. It doesn’t matter what they think unless you give it meaning. Laugh at yourself when you see yourself worried about embarrassing yourself. You have so far survived every embarrassing thing that you’ve ever done. You have not lived if you’ve never been embarrassed. Embarrassment doesn’t kill you, giving it meaning and holding onto it does. Let embarrassment go by being open to it being a possibility.
2) Craving Support & Validation
I love being supported and getting validation, who doesn’t? It feels good. I enjoy very much getting a pat on the back for the things I do. Nothing is more music to my ears than someone telling me they like my work or the hubby coming home and noticing the house is clean and thanking me. People who feel appreciated will always do more.
Here is where it gets toxic. Needing it, craving it. Not everyone is going to support you. Not everyone will validate you. Not everyone will give a damn and appreciate you or get you and it’s ok. When you love yourself enough to say I’m doing this for me and whether people back me or not is irrelevant. When you decide to do it any way you reach a new level of self-love. Do it for you. Whenever I catch myself needing validation, I say to myself ‘I choose to validate myself’. Every time I feel better. Outside validation is addictive, with a very short expiration date, it doesn’t fulfil you long term.
3) Insecurity & Anxiety
Facing our insecurities and anxiety head-on is one of the most beautiful acts of self-love we can ever do. Believe it’s possible to overcome them. Start paying attention to your triggers. It’s intel. Journal to get everything off your mind. Be kind to yourself when your struggling. This one can’t be covered in a paragraph so later this week I’m going to cover this topic on YouTube (UPDATED: my new YouTube channel is called Woo Wise Woman after the book I’m writing although I don’t update it much, for videos your best off going to my Facebook group: Self-Love & Fully Expressed).
4) People pleasing
Just no. A lot of people-pleasing is just seeking approval, trying to keep everyone happy and feel good enough. It’s a never-ending toxic cycle that will relentlessly just keep going until you decide to ditch it. Disappointing people won’t kill you. Let them be disappointed, if we aren’t seeking approval and validating ourselves why does it matter if someone is disappointed in you? I get that it matters to you because you care about people. I do too. I’m still working on this one, but here’s what I know to be true. People who really want what’s best for you will be ok with a no once you give them time to absorb it because they actually want what’s best for you. Doing things you don’t really wanna do causes resentment and ruins relationships. It causes burn out and then we are no good to anyone (okay that’s not true but you get the point).
Do good things for people for sure, but do it because you want to because it feels good. Not because you feel it’s your job to keep everyone happy. It’s not. Just like it’s your job to work on your own happiness and not seek it from an outside source, it’s other’s people’s job to work on theirs. They don’t have to understand and it’s not your job to make them understand, it’s your job to say “no” lovingly and look after yourself. That is self-love and everyone benefits from your self-love.
This is/was the bain of my life and I’ve come on leaps and bounds with it. I launched the Choose To Rise audios before they were perfect and I was very honest about that. I launched them anyway because it’s all I had at the time, I’d given it my all. I was losing my confidence and didn’t know how to improve on them. Doubt was setting in and getting louder. I knew I have to launch them before the doubt paralysed me into giving up. When doubt becomes so big we don’t launch and we stay small never reaching our full potential. So I chose to rise and launched anyway. I take my own medicine.
What happened was beautiful. Through the experience of just leaping and taking the pressure off trying to make it perfect, I busted through the blocks and created an actual formula for Choosing To Rise. A formula that I’m so proud of, know works and I will now be re-doing the Choose To Rise stuff. The original audios actually still helped people, so it goes to show that listening to the voice inside that was saying ‘launch anyway’ was my intuition talking. Let perfectionism go so your intuition, your gut feeling, even though it’s scary and be heard over your doubts and fears. (updated April 20201 this has now evolved into my Come Home To You Audios & Membership).
I could go on and one with inner demons but I think I’ve given you plenty to think about. My point being, become so aware of what’s not serving you and be brave enough to let it go. That’s how you climb the self-love ladder and start to live a life that feels so good.
Thanks for being part of #SelfLoveTember I actually can’t put into words how much your all inspiring me. This self-love movement is truly beautiful.
Thanks for choosing to rise, namaste,
It Did Do Harm – An open Letter to Grandparents & Those With Adult Children
(Blog post on generational trauma)